and eat

Face or Ass?

“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose between your face and your ass.”

Wise words from a hot, post-50 year old Italian woman with a beautiful face and a beautiful curvaceous ass too.  She meant, if you lose too much weight when you’re a woman of a certain age then you may get the flat stomach and the skinny bum you wanted, but you’ll also get a gaunt older looking face to go with it.  This doesn’t happen when you’re in the flush of youth, of course it doesn’t! In your 20s and early 30s you just get cheekbones that men (and women) devote days to gazing at and stroking and when they’re not doing that they’re writing sonnets about, but not so when you’re in your mid-40s…

Please don’t get me wrong, I like my age, I like very much that I’ve actually made it this far, I like my BS detector, I’m stronger for experience and I like not giving a flying fuck about what people think of me; it’s liberating.  That said, I’m as vain as the next person and I don’t want a face that looks like a passion fruit in Asda’s reduced aisle, and dying alone, eaten by cats in my cottage, is no longer on my to-do list (hoorah).  I have thought about this way too much, and yes, I am that shallow.  I don’t want to look ancient until I actually am ancient.  Then I really and truly won’t care.

So, after a hiatus it’s back to the balance of eating good food *most* of the time, there’s always room for wine and whiskey and Walkers, of course there is, but the bulk of what is consumed needs to be the right stuff.  It’s how I’ve always eaten, so given my food apathy of late I’ve put myself on a diet audit, I’ve had to, I want my old self back.  A pretty good place to start is breakfast; best meal of the day in my humble opinion.

I eat mine at work during the week as I enjoy spending my mornings hurtling around the house whipping up chaos and maelstrom in my wake. My children sit bleary-eyed spooning food into their mouths watching me ironing in the kitchen in my bra and pants, flinging pack-ups together, finding PE kits and missing shoes (only EVER one missing shoe), yelling a bit, turning the radio up and down depending on the song, no doubt making mental notes of how they won’t do mornings when they’re grown-ups.

Here’s a recipe for an amazing breakfast that makes it all better, and joy of joys, it can be made the night before – it’s best if you do, so all you need to do is fling it in your bag as you leave the house.

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It’s packed with chia seeds and raw cacoa, so it’s uber healthy. And it honestly tastes like chocolate mousse, I kid you not.  Oh, and, check this out, I get all the ingredients for this in Aldi at a fraction of the price of health food shops or other supermarkets – £1.25 for 200g of chia seeds, for real. Win win.  How’s this for a middle class/first world problem – I yanked the chia seeds out of the cupboard last week and they fell, knocking my phone off the work surface and smashing the screen.  Bad times.

So, back to my original question, face or ass?  Well, I’ve set my sights a little higher of late, I’ve decided I’m going to push myself and work at having them both, I reckon I deserve it.

Chia and Cacao Breakfast Pudding

Serves 1
Prep time 5 minutes
Dietary Vegan
Meal type Breakfast

What you will need

  • 15g chia seeds
  • 1 tablespoon raw cacao
  • 1 banana
  • Squeeze something sweet (date syrup, honey, agave syrup or maple syrup)
  • almond milk
  • handful blueberries
  • old clean jam jar


Step 1 Add the chia seeds, mashed banana, agave - or any sweet thing you're using, cacao and mix well
Step 2 Top with almond - or any kind of milk you want, to fill the jar to about three quarters
Step 3 Stir well, add the blueberries. Seal with the lid and leave until you're starving for breakfast

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