Chocolate chip cookies

Attempting one conversation when there are so many children in your house you can’t even remember which ones you actually gave birth to.

Hey! You’re here. Yayyyyyy! *hug*  God! You look amazing, AHHHH!  Those boots are ace, I love them! Where are they from? Come in, come in, kettle’s on. Tell me everything, how are you? What’s happening? What’s new? Give me that bag. How was the journey? How did you get on at…

Muuuummmm, where’s my unicorn?

Oh, still in the car? Here’s the keys. Go and look. Oh, it was OK. Actually it was good, I think it’s going to be really useful. I’m going to make sure that I…

Mum really, really, really shouted at her phone yesterday in the car because the sat nav wouldn’t speak to her.

Oh, look how tall you got gorgeous! Can I have a hug? Right, you lot, go out and play! You’ve waited all morning for these guys to get here, go and play! *kiss on the top of the head*

She can’t work the sat nav in the car so she used the phone.

Bugger off! Get out of here already *pained smile*

She had her phone on silent, it was really so, so funny. That’s why there was no voice!!!!

I mean it! Disappear! We want to talk as much as you want to play!

We went round a roundabout three times… It might have been four times.

* glares with intent* You need to go and play.

Oh! Those jeans are good, you look like a total fox.

Hmm, thanks, they’re new, does my ass look alright? I’m not sure?


Actually I said ‘ass’. If you don’t want this foot up yours then you better beat it. NOW!

Do you want coffee?

Duh.  Guess what… Caitlin got tickets for Laura Marling.

Ugh, I HATE Caitlin. I sat online for two hours. Oh, are you going with her?

Nope, she’s taking her boyfriend.

I hate Caitlin’s boyfriend.

Mum, why do you hate Mike?

Seriously, where did you come from? Go outside! It’s sunny. I don’t hate Mike, I really like Mike.

You said you hate him.

Go and play.

Why do you hate Mike? You said you hate Mike. I heard you say you hate Mike. I’m thirsty. And I’m hungry.

Mummy, I want my blue train.

The blue train’s at home darling. Ah, I didn’t tell you that I went to see…

Can we go home for it?

It’s a three hour drive. Errrmmm, no. Why don’t you play with the other fifteen trains that we packed? I went to see…


Mum, when are you going to get my screen fixed on my iPad?

Err, never.

I went to see…

But it’s broken

I know it’s broken. We’ll talk about it later. Please go and play, this kitchen is too small for two adults and five children.  Go and play on the trampoline! *aside* Can we start drinking gin now?

It’s 11.30.

That’s not a no then?

Mum… is a tiger running around a corner faster than an ice cream van driving around a corner?

Errr. What? Yes, a tiger is faster because it is a child eating tiger and it’s chasing you and it’s going to bite you on the arse if you don’t BUGGER OFF!

Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You said ARSE again.  You need to stop swearing.

You need to stop eavesdropping.

What’s eavestrropping?

*Sits down at the kitchen table, boots off*  God, I am SO knackered. I’m less fucking knackered running around like a mentalist at work. How are the guitar lessons going? Play me something.

They start next Saturday. Hope the teacher’s nice…


I’m not a shark. I’m not sharking!

Sharking the geeeeeeeettaaar teacher. Hahahahaaaaaa. What does he look like? Wear those jeans.

No I’m not! I mean nice as in doesn’t think I’m a retard. Will you tune my guitar for me? I think I tuned it but I don’t know if my tune is like everyone else’s tune.

Muuuummmmmmmmm. You’re not allowed to say retard, that’s not nice. OR THE EFF WORD!!!

Seriously, you are still here!? You need to get out of this kitchen NOW or I swear to god I will cook you! My guitar teacher is a woman. Pass me the milk.

Mum. my toe is really sore, we need to find my reading record. Can you help me find it now?

I love you  mum. Can I have a hug?

I love you too, of course you can have a hug. Then please go outside.

Shit! I didn’t tell you about… Oh, your teacher is a woman? Oh.  Sarah, this book is so beautiful.

I know, Mast Brothers, they make chocolate, in Brooklyn. Like you do. They sailed from Cape Cod to Central America to bring back their own cocoa beans.  Like you do. Look how beautiful his beautiful, beautiful beardy face is. Not exactly hit by the ugly stick, that one. We should go to their shop when we’re in London.  I think they have a cool code though, we might not get in, we might not be cool enough.


Hahaha, is their shop in Shoreditch?

Duh, obvs. We could grow beards? Listen to this, “shake it up and evolve. Be fearless. Embrace continuous improvement in the pursuit of ultimate simplicity.” I don’t know what that means but I think I like it. I would rub my chin, like this, and nod like I really knew what that meant though. Hmmmm.

Mum, I’m SO hungry! And the grass is really…grassy.

So, what did you end up doing about…

MUM! There’s no loo roll.

Yes there is. It’s right by the sink. Get a new roll. Well, I just had to be honest and say no, I didn’t want to go. I feel better for being honest, I can’t justify it this month, I’m skint. I’m still OK for London though, was I meant to be looking for a hotel or were you? I can’t remember?

MUM! MUM!!!! MUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM! I can’t reach the loo roll.

Sarah.  What’s that smell?!

Oh god. What smell? Could literally be anything,

Smells like chocolate.

Ahhh, I made biscuits, they’re in the oven right now. If you play hide and seek for, say, 15 minutes and don’t include me or your mum then I’ll give you one. Maybe two – if you hide for a really, really long time.

OK. Bye!!!!!!


So gin? A small one? Medium to small one? Large one?

Have you got ice? I don’t need a mixer. Actually, I don’t need a glass either.

chocolate chip cookies

Serves 24
Prep time 10 minutes
Cook time 15 minutes
Total time 25 minutes
Meal type Snack
Misc Child Friendly
Website Mast Brothers: A Family Cookbook

What you will need

  • 1 cup unsalted butter (room temperature)
  • 3/4 cups brown sugar
  • 2/3 cups granulated sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 + 1/4 cups plain flour
  • 1 teaspoon bicarbonate soda
  • 1 teaspoon sea salt
  • 15oz dark chocolate (chopped)


Step 1 Preheat the oven to 180C
Step 2 Cream the softened butter with both the sugars. Add the eggs.
Step 3 Add the flour, baking soda, salt and chocolate and combine.
Step 4 Line a baking tray with greaseproof paper. Spoon a tablespoon of dough to the tray, leave 2" between each spoonful.
Step 5 Bake for 15 minutes or until golden brown.








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